Dear Graduate Committee,
I read your meeting notes with interest. I would have read them with more interest had references to [Professor X's] undergarments not been deleted, since for a long time faculty members have been speculating on this intriguing issue.
I don't think anything you outline requires the bylaws to be changed (unless of course you are actually serious about your colonization ambitions; then the bylaws will need to be burned and [the Deputy Chair] and I will have to be hanged from the 7th floor windows) ...
Thanks for keeping me in the loop. I have a new office chair made of bungee cords that is fun to bounce upon, if you do take over the department in its entirety and grow bored of taunting the Office Manager.
Ah, end of the term giddiness. I think we are all tackling too much work on too little sleep.