Friday, June 01, 2007

Medievalists want to know...

A headline from today's Washington Post:

Longtime 'Spam King' Charged With Fraud

So, if a Spam King marries a woman does she become the Spam Queen? If the Spam Royal Couple has progeny, are they known as Spam Princesses and Spam Princes? Does a Spam Steward attend the royal table? Do they eat spam at the royal table?

What kind of monarchy does the Spam King embody? Absolute? Divine right? Tinned? Constitutional? Given that the Spam King was arrested for sending email via "zombie computers," does this make him an Evil Spam King? Is it permissible to commit regicide against an Evil Spam King? Are his undead minions -- even if they are just hard drives -- like the Ring Wraiths from the Lord of the Rings?

How does one become a Spam King? Is the title hereditary? Does one become Spam King via primogeniture versus mere filiogeniture? Elective? Won by force? Perhaps via the violent hurling of lunchmeats?

Lastly, does one need to possess a passport to visit the Spam Kingdom or are its borders open?

10 comments:

abby said...

It's for posts like this that I love this blog. Thanks for making my day!

J J Cohen said...

Thanks, Abby. Your website is quite beautiful, and I found this to be hilarious.

Gavin Robinson said...

"does this make him an Evil Spam King?"

It's not the Spam King who's evil, it's his Evil Spam Counsellors.

Karl Steel said...

JJC: your link is mysterious.

Gavin: I laughed. Wait till the Spam King meets you on Smithfield.

J J Cohen said...

Not sure what happened to the link, but here is the URL:

http://columbusfoodie.blogspot.com/2007/05/unfortunate-product-name.html

abby said...

I'm glad you enjoyed our little collaborative foodie blog. We have fun with it. You all might enjoy this as well, if you haven't already watched it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJn_jC4FNDo

(via WPA listserv)

RaeRae said...

was the spam king corupted by the beauracracy? (i can never spell that word) and if so as he was under the influence does this then make him guilty or not guilty of his crimes?

J J Cohen said...

Hilarious, Abby. Hard to believe someone spent so much time in putting that together, but it's wonderful ... and really does stress the modernity of copyright. A medieval author would find this system of artistic ownership completely incomprehensible!

Raerae, I wouldn't want to judge the source of the Spam King's corruption. Maybe he was just born Bad Spam.

Marcus said...

I have been contacted by the Spam Prince. His father, the Spam King, has--as we all know--been deposed from his small, independent kingdom near Nigeria. Well, the Spam Prince told me that if we could just get enough money together, he could get most of the Spam treasury out of the kingdom (he just needs money to bribe Spam Palace Guards and grease generally the rails). If we can help him, he's agreed to share close to $2 million (when converted from Spam Sterling) with us. Who's with me?

J J Cohen said...

Marcus, might I suggest a donation to the In the Middle "Cakes and Ale" fund instead? You won't see your money back either way, but at least the ITM donation helps medievalists.