Friday, March 20, 2009

What Did Mast-Bound Ulysses Wear as He Listened to the Sirens Sing?

by J J Cohen

Why the Ulysses shirt, of course, in Aegean green. Is it mixing genres too much to say the shirt is suitable for Bloomsday? Do you think Ulysses would have brought dear Penelope back this?

Who comes up with this catalog copy? Starving classics majors?
Also in Tall Sizes
Just right for lotus-eating, and cavorting with Sirens, not to mention the homecoming party. Aegean green and Ionian blue vertical stripes are handsomely detailed in a luminous, 100% cotton plainweave. Classical details: shell-style buttons; two position, adjustable cuffs; patch pocket; and shirttail hem. Machine washable. Imported in the Multicolor shown.
Tall sizes must be for cyclops like Polyphemos. The "Lotus-eating" reference means it's a great shirt for getting high and watching stoner movies. "Aegean green" and "Ionian blue" are far more appealing than unadjectivized green and blue: just to hear those Greek place names transports you across the world to warm seas, angry gods, and sorceresses who transform you into swine. "Plainweave" implies that this was one of Penelope's more successful loom projects. "Classical details" should indicate that the shirt doubles as a toga ... who knew that the Greeks and Romans favored adjustable cuffs and patch pockets? As to "machine washable," that means your slaves can form an assembly line as they scrub and rinse. Of course the shirt is "imported": Ulysses carried it from Troy. Legend has it the cotton plainweave made him extra comfy as he hid inside that wooden horse.

1 comment:

Eileen Joy said...

I knew this was Territory Ahead even before I followed the links. I get their catalog, as well as I used to get J. Peterman's, just to read the copy. Territory Ahead has literature-loving owners, since their name comes from the ending of "Huckleberry Finn," where Huck declares he is going

"to light out for the Territory ahead of the rest, because Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me and I can't stand it. I been there before."