Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Was I the pig castrator or the street walker?

by J J Cohen

At this year's GW English Department holiday party, we had a trivia contest in which teaching staff were asked to submit a little known fact about themselves. These were collated into a list and the person who guessed the most identities won a gift certificate. One of the following facts describes me. See if you can guess it. (I get the feeling that it is too easy because mine was the only one in which the whole room in unison called out the accurate name).
  1. I’VE HAD TO SLEEP ON PARK BENCHES IN GERMANY AND DENMARK.
  2. ONCE PLAYED IN A LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM WHOSE SPONSOR WAS “COVERT DRUGS” (A PHARMACY ON COVERT AVENUE, THE MAIN STREET OF THE TOWN I GREW UP IN). I STILL HAVE THE T-SHIRT WITH THE STORE NAME STITCHED ON THE BACK.
  3. I’VE CASTRATED PIGS AND HAVE DONE IT MANY TIMES.
  4. I PLAYED A STREET WALKER IN A STEVE MCQUEEN MOVIE.
  5. AT THE AGE OF EIGHT I WANTED TO BECOME A GOURMET CHEF. I ASKED MY PARENTS FOR AN E-Z BAKE OVEN NOT REALIZING IT WAS A GIRLS TOY. I TRIED TO MAKE A SOUFFLE WITH EGGS AND CHEESE. AFTER TWO HOURS THE LIGHT STILL HAD NOT COOKED IT. AFTER 3 HOURS THE OVEN MELTED, THEN AFTER 4 HOURS I STARTED A HOUSE FIRE AND WAS TOLD NEVER TO COOK AGAIN.
  6. I WAS AN EXTRA IN TOP GUN WITH TOM CRUISE.
  7. I CAN SING THE GREEK ALPHABET IN GREGORIAN CHANT.

5 comments:

Sparky said...

Oh good lord: the EZ Bake Oven, I assume?

Tom Delfs said...

That's my guess, too ...... though pig castrator is tempting....

Jeffrey J. Cohen said...

Am I so transparent? The answer is here.

Another Damned Medievalist said...

Haven't looked,but Oven is my guess

Myra Seaman said...

It wasn't the E-Z Bake Oven (which I myself requested of Santa every year, fruitlessly) or even the souffle so much as the near-burning down of the house that I think decided it for all of us.