Tuesday, June 09, 2009

That Leeds Keynote

by J J Cohen

I don't intend to blog much of the content of my Leeds presentation, since I would like some of what I argue there not to be known in advance, but I will offer some fragments as I proceed.

Today, though, for your amusement -- and for those who don't follow me on Facebook -- a recent interchange about that Leeds presentation.

Jeffrey J Cohen 491 words, the first of which is "If." That's something. 11:08am · via Twitter · Comment ·

Eileen A. Joy
Is the first sentence something like, "If both Jews and Christians had been able to purchase fondue pots at a medieval Crate-and-Barrel-type store, history would have turned out very differently"?

Jeffrey J Cohen
It is now.

Eileen A. Joy
Perfect. Because seriously, things would have been so different between Christians and Jews after all those get-togethers over cheese and chocolate fondue.

Jeffrey J Cohen
Be serious: they would have poked out each other's hearts with those long thin forks and dipped them in the gruyere-emmenthaler mixture for tasty eating.

Sarah Werner
although not the Jews, since surely mixing heart and cheese would be unkosher, yes? maybe if there was a non-dairy chocolate fondue that would be an option.

Jeffrey J Cohen
My research reveals that Jews SOMETIMES violated halakha in order to feast upon Christian hearts as fondue. These cheesy organs were not kosher, but they did melt in the mouth.

Eileen A. Joy
But the best part, for the Jews, was not so much the taste of the melting, gruyere-covered Christian hearts in their mouths, but the sight of the heart-less Christians writhing around under the tables with all of those fondue pots with thoughts of "oh cruel world!" in their about-to-be-extinguished minds.

Jeffrey J Cohen
You've got it: cruel because they would die before the chocolate fondue with strawberries, bananas, and pound cake was even served.

Eileen A. Joy
That's fairly accurate, I think, as Christians pretty much lived for the final fondue course--that, and the bodily Resurrection.

[OK, don't take that too seriously. Believe it or not, folks, fondue will not actually make it into the Leeds version]

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