by J J Cohen
Some of you readers think it is amusing to self-identify with a plastic figurine with a legendary penchant for booze, rude comments and sensual indulgence over a tenured professor of English who has superpowers and can fly (<-- formulation taken from the fantasy world of Katherine Cohen, age 4). Well, stop it. Because as you can see from the photo I just took, the Tiny Shriner is in peril: should you continue to vote for him over me, he will be plunged seven stories to his painful demise.
Think I'm kidding? Try me.
[Figure 1: Tiny Shriner suspended. Note expression of shock and dismay on face. Fortunately for him, his fez is glued in place.]